How aware are you of your language?  Do you know that there are certain words that are used in everyday language that seriously affect your outcomes and in a negative way?  Here are just nine of them, how many do you use regularly?

1. Can’t

As the quote from Henry Ford says: “Whether you can or can’t, you are right.” It’s a choice we make to limit ourselves.  My two grown up children rarely use this word anymore, mostly because when they said it as they were growing up I’d say “take the ‘T’ of can’t and what have you got?” to which they’d reply “can” and then I’d tell them that there is always a way, they just hadn’t found it yet, and all they needed to do was find it.

2. Should/Must/Have to

Any statement that uses the words “should/must/have to” takes choice away.  When choice is removed our natural reaction as humans is to resist.  “I should/must/have to concentrate on getting this project finished on time” makes you not want to at all, or put serious pressure on yourself.  Replace these words with “choice words,” like, “I can/will/want to.” Notice how much softer they sound too.

3. Never

This word is absolute, and there are only limited situations when “never” is absolutely true, “I’ll never shrink down to a baby.” The use of this word,  suggests a closed mind that is limiting itself to other opportunites or possibilities, “I’ll never get the hang of this…”, which seriously hinders our self-growth efforts.

4. Try or (I’ll Try)

This is the biggest cop-out word ever.  “I’ll try call you back by 4pm” so either you will make the time to make the call by 4pm or you won’t.  Either we do or we don’t!  To use the term “I’ll try” means you don’t expect to succeed and you are excusing yourself in advance.  A simple “I will” or “I won’t” works better.

5. Someday

Someday, like tomorrow, never comes.  “Someday, I’ll find a crock of gold at the end of the rainbow with a leprechaun counting gold coins into it”. Right!!  What other fairytales are you telling yourself?   It is much too indefinite and when it is used, it shows a serious lack of commitment.  Replace “someday” with a specific date and time.

6. But

When used as a conjunction, “but” negates whatever statement that precedes it. “I wanted to suggest you for the position but, the decision was made higher up.” Our unconscious mind always negates what goes before “but” and concentrates on what comes after it.  If you want to join the two parts of the sentence, use “however” or “and”, whichever is better.

7. Soon or Later

Both are indefinite references to time and are also non-committal. When someone tells you he or she is going to do something “soon” or “later,” there is no way to determine when whatever it is will get done.  How often do you hear someone say “I’ll do that later” or “I’ll start that soon” and find that it doesn’t get done?  Instead, be specific and state a time or a timeframe “I’ll do that right after my coffee break this afternoon, it’s usually quiet then”.

8. If

This is a small word that carries large doubts and uncertainties and when used often, it gnaws away at our confidence and intended actions.  “If  I sell all the advertising space this month, I’ll be able to pay off the XXX bill”. If is like “someday” but with possiblities.  Instead of “if” use “when” and have a plan of action to back it up.

9. Don’t forget

Our unconscious minds only processes positives.  So by putting something in it’s negative form our unconscious mind deletes the negative part of it and then instructs us on the postive remainder.  How often have you written something down because you wanted a reminder of it?  Instead of saying “don’t forget” say “remember” instead.

Mairead Kelly’s of Encouraging Excellence helps individuals overcome the crippling limiting decisions & negative emotions that prevent them from being who they want to be.

Tags: coaching, effectiveness, Language, leadership, Motivation, positive, Relationships, results, Self- development, words

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